So, wondering what to ask a guy to find out if he’s lying or not? Take a cue from the experts to find out if your boyfriend is trustworthy or not.
I’ve been lied to many times, and I’ve lied more than that. It is an inevitable part of life. We lie to protect our loved ones and we lie to protect ourselves. Unfortunately, lying is almost never a good thing. If you wonder what to ask a dude to uncover a lie, these six ways are how experts do it.
Whenever I catch an SO who is lying to me, my first instinct is to get angry. How dare that jerkhole break my trust? How dare you think I’m not smart enough to find out the truth? Next thing you know, I’m accusing my boyfriend of things he never did. Then I start listing the things he actually did.
No matter how insane I sounded when I tried to question them in a way I found appropriate. That it was I who yelled the question, hoping it would agree only on the strength of my vocal cords. Yes. I was crazy.
Anywaaaaay, just because I thought a guy lied to me didn’t mean I was right. Even if a guy admitted he lied, who said they don’t lie about lying just to shut me up? It’s a slippery slope and there’s not much you can do but wait for someone to invent an effective, hand-held lie detector.
So what are your options? Do you take your boyfriend’s word for it? Or do you find a safer alternative like the advice these FBI experts use when questioning their suspects?
Signs of lying and the questions you should ask …
Before you start investigating the “lie” you think your man is telling you, try to find out if he really is lying first. Rather than go hard and start questioning him, look for signs that confirm your suspicion. Finding out the truth comes later.
Now, before anything else, forget what you saw in “Lie to Me” and “The Mentalist”. The writers of those shows set the lies, so they also set the cues. If you want to know how true human lie detectors work, here’s what former FBI agent Joe Navarro and other experts do to spot liars. For the purposes of this feature, we’ll apply it to how your OS would react.
1 Don’t take nervousness as a sign of lying. Before you start accusing your boyfriend of lying, remember that there are no concrete signs to confirm this. As we said, forget what pop culture tells you about the lie. Non-verbal signs such as fidgeting, shaking, and casting one’s eyes downward do not fully confirm the lie.
If your boyfriend is doing this when you are talking to him, it just shows that something is “off”. It is possible that you may be hiding something. It doesn’t mean he’s lying about something.
What to ask: What’s wrong? Please tell me we can work on it together.
2 Use what you know about your boyfriend. If you’ve been seeing each other for a while, you probably know the way your boyfriend acts when he’s not stressed or nervous. Use it as a reference to see if he acts differently when you ask him a question.
If it shows signs of discomfort and distress, there is probably something wrong. If you’re not sure how he behaves differently, try talking to him about topics without stress and gradually ask him what you think he is hiding. If he starts looking anxious, it’s time to find out what he’s really nervous about.
What to ask: Random questions about her day and what she plans to do. After a while, start questioning him about his lie using preliminary questions about the problem.
For example, if you think he’s lying about what he did last night, ask him, “So what did you guys do when you went out last night?” He expects the question. Don’t expect what you are going to ask for next.
3 Ask him a few similar questions about your suspicions. According to Navarro, use this line of questions to see if any of the words you’re using triggers a different reaction from all the other questions.
Let’s say Ask him where he was last night, who he was with, and where there were girls. If he shows similar reactions to the first two questions, but starts fidgeting about the last question, he will probably lie.
What to ask: Using the example above, here’s what you should ask to find out if he’s lying.
Were you at the bar like you said you were?
Were you with Joe, Gary and Steve last night?
Were you with someone else last night?
Were you with any girl? night?
Did you do anything with those girls last night?
Do you see the progression? Don’t jump straight into your accusation. Ask for easy truths before checking to see if he’s really lying. If he seems worried about one question and relieved by the next, you’ll know which topic to follow from then on.
4 Look for other nervous gestures, while asking for details. There are many common gestures that signal that a person is lying. They may cough, loosen their collar, shake themselves, or run their hands through their hair.
Be wary of these, especially if your boyfriend keeps asking them while asking questions. The more details they ask, the more likely they are to react this way. If it does, you are well on your way.
What to ask: Keep asking for more details and pay attention to the most nervous gestures.
5 Don’t pressure your boyfriend to respond. The more aggressively you push for a response, the harder it is for you to control the signs of the lie.
Make sure you are in a private place, an apartment or a bedroom. Remove any form of distraction like your smartphones. After that, ask them to tell you their side of the story.
What to ask: Tell him, “I feel something is wrong, so please tell me exactly what you did last night. Just give me some humor, so we can move on from this discussion.”
6 Tell them to tell you the story backwards again, but don’t be obvious. Ask subtle questions about the story that takes him through it from the end, go back to the beginning.
What to ask: Wait, I’m a little confused. Can you tell me again and start with the last thing you said until it started? If anything changes in the story, go back to that part later and keep asking him – calmly and politely.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER , try not to act accusatory. Sure, you’ve already shown doubt once you start probing questions, but it’s best not to show your anger or annoyance. Act like you’re just curious about something and let your boyfriend explain everything to you.
That way, he won’t offend you for accusing him and you will still be able to get the truth out of him. Navarro says people feel freer to be honest when they feel their accuser isn’t judging or acting superior. They are more likely to admit their mistakes and not turn into aggression or anger during interrogation.
To put it simply, don’t let your boyfriend know you’re trying to catch him in a lie!