Have you won the first, longed-for date with the guy you like, but are you afraid of saying something wrong or on the contrary of having no arguments? Keep calm! Find out here what to talk about and the tips to break the ice and conquer it!
In the end, you found the courage and proposed to the guy you like to have an aperitif together. When he said yes, you celebrated inside like an ultras scoring his team. But then the insecurity pushed your way through and you started thinking that maybe it wasn’t a good idea. That you don’t know each other well enough and that your first date will be a flop of embarrassed silences.
Before you do something you might bitterly regret (like canceling everything with an excuse that tastes like sorry miles away), put a stop to your worries and find out here what to talk about to break the ice and conquer it! The next step will be choosing the right place for your first date and getting to know each other better.
Start with basic information
Whether you’ve met the guy you like in chat , on Tinder or at the gym, you’ve talked to him a little bit and you know (at least) the basic information about him. To start the conversation, start here.
Ask him how was the concert for which he had bought tickets for months or if he went to eat in that restaurant that intrigued him. If he is shy, you take the dialogue in hand. Connect to something he said to you and raise it. For example, tell him that you too devoured the novel he told you so enthusiastically about.
Starting from something you have shared shows attention and interest in the other and helps to create contact.
Ask him about him and talk about yourself
The next step after breaking the ice is to learn more about each other . But that doesn’t mean you have to subject the guy you like to an interrogation, much less that you only have to talk about yourself. Avoid tainting him with your problems at work, with friends and family, and keep a positive tone. But be careful not to overdo it in the opposite direction and make the wheel like a peacock.
A topic that lends itself very well to active listening is travel. Asking him where he has been and where he would like to go will allow you to tell about your experiences and dreams and will also give you a lot of information about your boyfriend’s character and interests. Two other evergreens are books and films and even music offers several ideas to get to know the person in front of you a little more.
In all cases, avoid aggressively stating who you are . Being very strict or brazen about some topics is anything but a good way to put your interlocutor at ease. All the more so if yours is not so much a belief as a pose to “give you a tone”. Of course, if you have ideas that are different from hers, you don’t have to deny them. You can (indeed, must) discuss and argue your positions firmly, but without transcending tones or getting to insults.
The first date is an opportunity to get to know (better) the guy you like, but he doesn’t have to become a ring . There are some arguments that by their nature heat the minds and risk creating irremediable fractures. Politics, religion and current affairs are insidious themes, which do not lend themselves to the context. Of course, if for you on some issues you cannot postpone to date, knowing immediately what he thinks avoids you wasting time. But if you know that you more or less share the same values, pulling out certain speeches is a gamble: the lack of mutual knowledge can lead to unpleasant misunderstandings.
Precisely because you know little about each other, also avoid telling your date very private or intimate things and do not ask him indiscreet questions. Making your first date a psychotherapy session is the best way to eliminate the chances of her asking you out again… or to start a toxic relationship. Stay on top!
Keep ghosts away
Very often, on the first date there are three or even four. The uninvited guests are former , incumbent as indiscreet presences on the conversation. Even if the temptation is strong, very strong, avoid talking to the guy you want to conquer about him who broke your heart and above all do not give in to the temptation to make loud comparisons between the two. Even if the result is in favor of your companion (if not, it’s like saying “get out of the way”), making comparisons is inappropriate and embarrassing. Sure, it’s inevitable that this is the case in your head (even if it’s not a good sign, because it means you haven’t gotten over the breakup yet), but talking constantly about what your ex said and did doesn’t bring him closer to him, it does. move away.
Another ghost you need to keep away from on a first date is that of your fears and insecurities . If you live in the anguish of being alone or obsessed with the idea of finding prince charming, you risk investing the other with absolutely inadequate expectations. Asking him after a few hours spent together if he finds you attractive and if he wants to get married and have children (!) Is the same as saying that he or another is the same, as long as it allows you to achieve your goal. Do not rush the stages and proceed calmly. And as they say, “if they are roses, they will bloom”!